This is me venting?

I just realized that this is my life and I only get to live it once. So why would I let someone else make my choices for me? Or somebody tell me I have some sort of choice to make?

Me and Brian have talked about marriage a lot. We have also talked about me moving in. I really want to wait till I'm out of college for the marriage thing. When it comes to me moving in I just use it as my daydream when things get hard with my parents. Maybe I'm leading him on. As you know Brian is 7 years older than me, so he's ready for all of that stuff... well I'm not.

Is it really possible that I could of met my soul mate at 18? That's what gets me I'm still young. Of course when we are completely happy with each other  I'm ready and excited to snatch him up but in reality it scares me to death. Time has been getting hard with my parents at home and like I said before yeah sometimes it really is a daydream to move out. If I did though I would lose the relationship I have with my parents so if anything ever happened bad with me and Brian I would be screwed. I'm  a full time college student and the job I do have no one could live off.

I started to feel stuck. Like I had some kind of choice to make. You know what? I don't, this is my life and if it takes me a thousand years to feel comfortable with the idea of marriage so be it, this is my life and I'm going to take it at the speed that I want to.

Wild Country

Last night me my boyfriend and two of our friends all went out to a country club last night. It was a lot of fun!I've been to this club several times and every time me and Brian invite people, it never works out. So this time we actual had our friends follow through and it was worth it!

Another thing is Brian actually danced!!! That's a big shocker because he never really does but last night he practically danced with me the whole night. All the romantic country songs that I love so much we got to slow dance to I had so much fun :)
He was just the sweetest thing ever. When we weren't on the dance floor he would just hold me and kiss the back of my head or my temple and forehead.He acted like he was really proud to be my boyfriend you know all lovey. GREAT night. Our friends Brianna and Demarcus had to leave a little early because the strobe lights came on and Demarcus gets seizures.
This night was so much fun it was nice to hang out with another couple.

Judging

Matthew 7:1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Luke 6:37
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;        
John 7:24
Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”        
James 4:11-12
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor

and the list goes on it talks about judging people so many times in the Bible.

    I want to try so hard not to judge but I feel that as soon as I walk into my house at home that's all I hear. My parents are horrible and I honestly think that's why there is nothing but negative feelings in this household. A girl on TV has a tattoo immediately shes a skank. My mom cant stand gay people like she'll go into to this anger fit if a movie has gay people in it. Yeah I know being gay isnt looked at highly in the Bible but your still judging and its bringing negative feelings into your heart. Personally I see it as let that person have their lifestyle. Yeah it might be wrong but I'm not going to go on a crazy rant everytime I see lesbians. Let them be happy their lifestyle isnt effecting you at all. She said "but it will make you think its right" yeah let me just go run out and get a girlfriend real quick. It drives me nuts. Politics, different races, ect my parents are so judgmental.
I know I judge people but I want to try to stop. You dont know why that person does the things they do or is the way they are. Just like the saying "you cant tell a book by its cover". I'm just sick of so much negativity in my life. I just want peace.

I'm stressing over books...

Lately I've been in kind of a funk. I don't know if I got depressed or what. Theres definitely something wrong but oh well I feel better.So better I wanted to go on a date with my boyfriend :) He even brought me flowers!

I really needed this. He took me to olive garden and it was perfect because we were starving! After that he took me to Barnes and Nobles to look at books because I've been stressing out on what to read after I finish the book I'm reading now. Yeah I know who stresses out about books? I think I can stress out about anything.

I'm in a weird stage. I loved reading teen books but now all the characters are younger than me or still in high school and I just cant do it lol. I've been use to reading teen stuff so I don't even know what kind of books to read as an adult. I tried reading romance novels and I like them. Sometimes they go way into detail though and I feel like a pervert, also almost every romance novel is about vampires... I'm so DONE with vampires. Any ideas of what kind of books I might like? or any good books I should check out?
Thanks :)
Anyways great date night and as always Brian got me out of that weird funk I was in.

I'm starting another blog.

I watched the movie UP recently and fell in love with the idea of an adventure book. So instead of starting a scapbook and everything now i'm starting another blog. This blog will be mainly pictures and short descriptions but I figured this way I will have a way to keep everything in order. I went back a little but I'm going to start from now on.

Link:
www.myadventurebook-marlocp.blogspot.com

I will still have this blog though, I'm not getting rid of it :)

My Christian side is back!

I'm going to sound horrible for a minute just bare with me. So lately I haven't been feeling at all like a Christian. It hasn't been lately its been for a while. Like at least a couple of months. I don't pray, I don't listen to Christian music anymore and I just stopped trying to have a relationship with him. Which isn't like me at all. I knew something was up because if someone even prayed around me I just felt like walking away. I don't know if I didn't want to be around it just because I felt so insecure in my relationship with Him or what. Its gotten pretty bad and I cant stand it. I know the issue apparently but just didn't know how to deal with it, I just couldn't feel Him there anymore...
What I don't want to happen is, this is hard to explain but I'm going to try. You know how when you feel like you've hit rock bottom well you reach out to Him for help and you make him your everything because your in dyer need for rescue. Well I don't want to forget about Him just because I'm happy in every aspect of my life. I want to balance having Him there and a good relationship with him while I'm happy and not just when I'm struggling.

Okay now it gets better.
Yesterday (Sunday) I was still in San Antonio from my brothers party and we stayed with my grandma. Well my grandmas one of those people that when you leave her house you feel like you've left church camp. Well she invited us to go to church with her. I almost said no but I knew how important it would be to her so I agree. Man I'm so glad I agreed now. I heard so much stuff that I needed to here. The pastor preached basically the sermon to get people into having a relation with God and I guess I just needed to hear it again. It was amazing. I cried, which I haven't been able to do in a while because I haven't felt anything in church for a while. I feel great. Like I had a huge wall built up around me and it finally got broken down.
I'm so glad I went to my grandmas church I needed that awakening.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

New years weekend I went up to Fort Worth Texas to visit Brians family. I had a great time. Saturday we went to a gun show that was HUGE. Then that night we went downtown to a club called Neon Moon.Now I like going to clubs but this club was wild. I mean there was just this one girl who I swear got there drunk with a group of guys and she was on the dance floor constantly. The thing was when I saw her dancing with the guys I felt like I was watching her have sex! So dirty like get some class. Other than that it was cool we stayed until midnight then all these balloons fell over the dance floor full of money. It was fun. It was crazy because my new years resolution was to lose weight...well at 12:45 I made Brian pull over to get me an ice cream cone from McDonald's. That lasted long.

I'm excited for 2012, It's going to be great!





The Range

I'm into guns.
That's it I confessed Brian has now truly rubbed off on me. My boyfriend has over 21 guns and has one on him at ALL times. When we first started dating it freaked me out I wasn't use to it but now if I'm no sure about our surrounding like walking through a parking lot, I'll whisper in his ear "are you packin?" lol. Now I feel safe knowing if someone tried to come up and harm me I'd be completely safe.
Now that I'm okay I wanted to learn haw to shoot them. We have guns in the house but you know what? If someone ever robbed us I wouldn't know have to use it.
The first time I went to the range I went with my dad. I loved it and I was goooood. So good I shocked my dad my first shot was in the middle of the targets throat and that's what I was aiming for.Guess I'm  natural lol kind of scary.

I missed once.

I enjoyed shooting so much I went the next day with Brian. Now that was fun it was cool being able to impress him. I want my own gun now. I know I want a 9mm but a smaller built. Here are some pictures from the time I went with Brian.

Christmas; I know its late but who isn't busy :)

Me and Brian celebrated Christmas the Thursday before because me and my parents were going down to San Antonio to celebrate Christmas with family.
Let me just say it was amazing!
This is what our presents looked like under the tree well... Around it.

We also cooked a complete Christmas meal :) we both have never cooked a turkey before but I can honestly say it was the best turkey I have ever had in my life. Just cutting into it the juices would just pour out. It was great we did all of the sides and everything.



Present time!
He got me the sweetest card that said how much he loved me and he is glad we are a team. Then he gave me two boxes. One little like a jewelry box and one huge box. Of course I went for the small box ;) All the small box had in it was kisses and a note that said I knew you would go for the small box first and that's why I love you. It was cute, now the big box I unwrapped it and I got all excited trying to think what he could possibly have gotten me that big and it was another box! I did this for a good 8 times. Well it was worth the wait because this is what I got.

A GORGEOUS Promise Ring

I love it so much, it is just such a beautiful ring :)

San Antonio was weird. My chihuahua jumped from our chair to the sofa and missed, she landed really bad. The vet said she scrapped off all of the cartilage in her knee cap and might need surgery. Its really sad to see her walking around on 3 legs. Here's a picture of her.

Traveling with her was really hard, because we all knew she was in pain. First we went to my grandpas house and it was fun nice to see everyone. There was a lot of arguments though like a lot of people were trying to pick fights which was weird.I loved seeing my grandpa though. I don't know if you have seen the dragon software its advertised on TV. Well that's what I got my grandpa for Christmas. Hes writing his life out and I thought that would help a lot. He showed me a binder full of stuff he has already worked on and man its amazing how much this 90 year old man can remember. Peoples names dates everything. I want to help him out as much as I can just because it is very important to me that I know his life.

After that we went to my moms moms house it was a lot of fun. We planned on staying until the day after Christmas but it was just hard because you can tell Daisey was in pain. We ended up leaving Christmas day and still had a great day. I got lots of goodies and finally was able to give my dad the Ipad 2 I had stashed under my bed for him. I got a new sexy red coach purse and wallet, a kindle, garmin, and pjs :)

It was great to see everyone and it was nice to be home for the holiday.