A lot has been going on

Let me go back a bit;

A couple of weekends ago me and Brian went up to Fort Worth to visit his family. This time I met everyone. It was basically the families get together for Christmas up in Goree Texas. You know where that is? Because I cant begin to tell you. Its a little town in the middle of nowhere and its a ghost town. It use to be a town full of people because of the oil mills well when the place ran out of oil it also ran out of people. Its kind of scary some of the houses it really just looks like the people just go up and left. For groceries my boyfriends grandpa has to drive up to 100 miles to the nearest store. It was fun meeting new people though we also played white elephant. I have never played before but it was a lot of fun. A kid ended up with a machete... Yeah you heard me right.

That happened on a Saturday now time for Sunday. On Sunday we went to go see the Trans Siberian Orchestra. They were AMAZING. I don't know what was better the music or the lights. Every singer was brilliant. It was a great concert and I would definitely go again. Brian is such a music geek I swear he thought he was in heaven. The funny thing is I thought I was going to hate the the concert but I turned out loving it.

This Picture showed the lights and how close we were:)

He was just a tad excited!



Now the sad part.

My Grandpa died.

This was my moms dad I haven't mentioned him before. He was 90 years old and was in very bad condition. For the longest time I felt like it hasn't hit me yet, the sadness. I also thought it never would just because I really wasn't that close to him. It hit me at the funeral. I balled like a baby I couldn't even go up to the casket to see him. This was the first funeral I have ever been to so it was weird to see him laying there in real life. I kept expecting him to move but then I just realized it was just the shell of his body. I always thought that if your a Christian you shouldn't be afraid to die. I still do , but when death is in your face its hard. I'm happy for my grandpa he's free. He can walk, run and drink water again. My grandpa might not have been a very religious man his whole life but he died a saved man.

Please pray for my family, my mom is taking this really hard.

Dun Dun Dun.

Background information.
I dated Jacob my junior year of high school. It was a great relationship we never fought and it was always an exciting time with him. He was just one of those people that could always make you laugh. We that year Christmas break I went to spend Christmas with my father so I left for about a week. Jacob cheated on me while i was gone and I was devastated. I got so upset my aunt wanted to take me to the hospital because I started hyperventilating. I have never been hurt before. For months and months after that I would still dream of him every night. I would think of him quite often and would always wonder about him. Because I could never stop thinking of him, I honestly believe he was my first real love. That was the first time a screwed me over. A year after that so last summer I think. He started talking to me again. You know how it is of course I got excited I was cautious but I was also dumb. I gave him a shot. I agreed to hang out with him and catch up. Turns out I wasn't the only girl he was talking to at the time. I wen to his place when he told me too and his roommates told me he was with this other girl. Once again I dropped him like nothing but it till hurt. I got back to the mind thinking there could be an us again. I know dumb me.

Well guess who called last night after years. Yup you got it Jacob.
I was shocked but I was curious. He told me he missed me and that he still loves me. That the past 2 years hes been miserable because I wasn't in his life. He told me he was dumb and an asshole for everything he's ever done to me and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he just treated me like shit. I'm using his exact words he was very very very vulgar.Can you imagine how I felt? I felt powerful, I let that boy screw me over twice and I have never been hurt before like that, and i got an apology. He told me when he goes on my facebook he sees Brians arm around me and it makes him sick. Which is funny because hes not my friend on facebook so that means hes looking me up. This whole time I thought he must have done better than me. To find out he never could that after 2 years and he's realized it, I feel pretty darn good. He called me a good 18 times because he would get mad at how happy I am with Brian and hang up. It was a strange night. A lot of good came out of it. I feel better about everything. Maybe now I can let him go completely. It also showed me how great I have it with the man that I'm with now. The one that wont hurt me and cherishes me.

Christmas Stroll

The weather was murky, and was suppose to be pouring rain but we decided to give it a shot anyways. We went Saturday night to the Christmas stroll in salado. There wasn't a lot of people there I think mainly because of the weather. It was still fun. We did lots of walking and went to a lot of the little stores. I didn't get my hot chocolate because I was actually hot. Every 1/2 a mile there was a band playing Christmas songs and there was tons of places to buy yummy foods.We got kettle corn and I think the even put some cinnamon in it. We all enjoyed ourselves, I loved seeing all the Christmas lights up. After that we all came home and me and Brian made gingerbread men. It was fun to decorate them. I mad some of us lol:

Casting crowns

Friday we went to go see Casting Crowns in concert. It was me, my parents and my dad even bought a ticket for Brian. We had a great time . It was The Afters, Sanctus Real , some girl I've never heard of and then Casting Crowns.  The put on a great performance. Theres just something about being in a room full of people that all believe the same thing you do. There were four men well young men in front of us and they were goofy but when it came down to it they had their hands in the air just worshiping. Seeing a lot of people do that always brings joy to my heart. There were people there from every age group. Young children to older people that were using walkers. All there for one purpose. To praise and to worship. Every one of the bands were really good I really enjoyed Sanctus real. The evening was great I love just lifting my hands and telling Him this is my time with you.

You have to love the holidays.

I love this time of year. Holiday after holiday seeing family you haven't seen for the other half of the year. The weather change and having to bundle up :) drinking hot drinks, baked goods, presents, love, happiness and new beginnings. As stressful and hectic as the holidays can get, it's the busiest time of year you never run out of things to do. I love that. I've mentioned before the little cute town in Salado. This weekend is the Christmas stroll. And if the weather permits I am so going! It's just a little stroll with vendors and all the Christmas lights are up. They have the horse and carriage going up and down the road and there are carolers. I'm excited to go with Brian just because it's kind of romantic. This event is what really sets me off into the Christmas spirit. The weather being chilly and drinking hot chocolate . It's a lot of fun and I just can not wait!

Your Great Name

Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty
My savior, Defender, You are My King

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

This song is "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant.
I notice whenever I listen to this song in the morning on my way to school. I raise my hand to praise, but everyone in the oncoming traffic thinks I'm waving to them :)

Precious Puppy Love

Over Thanksgiving break I stayed with my grandma and aunt Mary. Let me give you some back up information . These are great Christian people that had a rough life. They live in San Antonio and in the worst part. My aunt Mary is the oldest of 4 sisters when my grandpa wasn't there my aunt stood up to be the breadwinner, she really never had a life of her own. Another thing is that Mary had a boyfriend (when she was in high school)and they were suppose to get married it didn't work out and she hasn't dated since. She's 55 well fifty something she might be younger than that. Anyways you get the point. It's been grandma and Mary my whole life you can't have one with out the other they are two peas on a pod. Which is sad because the other sisters got married with kids ect and Mary has just always been with my grandma she's never had a chance at her own life. Now the good part :)

Recently my aunt has bought a new gorgeous house which is great because where they lived before was the "hood" there was nothing but crime and there was never just peace and quiet. It was so bad that I was scared to stay there but by the grace of God nothing ever happened to them. They have a great brand new gorgeous house and now all they have to do is sell the old one. Well in the older house across the street a man died. Of course my grandma knew them they have lived there for like 40 years.

I'm going to skip forward in my story. The son of the man that died became very fond of my aunt. You have to know that this happened months ago. So I know that Mary has been talking to someone but not that much about it because I don't live there. The reason all of this came up is because I met him over thanksgiving. I really liked him. He's an older gentle but very sweet. When he came over he brought huge beautiful things of flowers one for Mary and one for my grandma. I'm so happy I hope they work out because if Something ever happened to my grandma my aunt would be alone. Thats really sad to think about but its true. When we were all sitting down just looking at black Friday adds. He showed my aunt a bbq pit and asked her if she wanted it for Christmas. Now that he's around he's helped them get there old house ready to sell and the new one ready to move into. She said he made it very clear that if she ever needed anything that he would be there. My aunt is very hesitant about getting in a relationship with him. By the end of the trip She admitted that she liked him and of course he REALLY liked her. I'm so happy or her I wish her the best because everyone needs a companion in life. One of my other aunts called the other day and said that they all got together at her house and my aunt Mary and Melchor ( the man that likes her) were holding hands.

I think they are they cutest thing, there is something about young puppy love but I don't think age matters at all, I wish her the best.

Its been a little while!

I've been so busy lately that I've forgotten to blog. Lets see My life is absolutely great right now like I have nothing to complain about. I'm happy with my Christian life my family life and my love life. School is still a little iffy but I'm getting a hold of it. Its only been my first semester so I'm not going to give up completely.
Lets see in earlier post I wrote about the fight I had with my boyfriend about going to his house. Well after talking to my parents about how all my intentions were good I finally went over. I had a great time. We cook chicken taquitos with cabbage that you sprinkled lime juice on. It was delicious. I love cooking with him. Its a lot of fun. After that we went to watch a movie. We decided to watch Death at a funeral. We thought it was the funny black people version but instead of that it was all British white people. We were in aw the whole movie. It was not what we expected at all. I had a great evening at first I was nervous but I got to thinking, that's kind of what it would be like to live there. I could so do it. Coming home to him. The thought gives me butterflies. 
 Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving by the way. So a big step happened over Thanksgiving Brian went with us. He met my whole family. That morning we had Thanksgiving at my moms moms house. We had a great time. My grandma loved my boyfriend, well everyone did. Besides the language barrier he fit right in.
Then we went to my dads families Thanksgiving that evening. It was a lot more people. We had a very nice time and were completely stuffed.
I know I could go into more details I just don't have a lot of time so I want to go over the basics I feel bad for taking such a long time to blog. Thanksgiving night we went to North star mall to do Black Friday at midnight. Which was really exciting except none of the stores we wanted to go to opened until 5 am. Everyone was disappointed. I wanted to go to Forever 21 and when we drove by people were camped out and everything. After the disappointment we went back home and slept I was exhausted. The next morning we tried again of course by then all the deals were gone but I still got a lot of cool things I wouldn't have found where I live. We shopped till we dropped and had a great day. We were suppose to do dinner with my grandma but it just didn't work out. Since Thursday I was feeling sick from my lower back and stomach so instead of staying later on Saturday we ended up going home early.

Overall great weekend, I'm really glad Brian got to meet my entire family :)

New Me!



I'm fighting with my boyfriend over something stupid and I cant even fight back. I'm crying but I'm not hurt. I'm upset but I'm at peace with myself. I was stressed but now I'm calm. Through the bad in this situation I'm stronger. I feel great. This mindless fight that had me with tissues everywhere and make up down my face. I needed that. The fight wasnt that bad but I needed that release. I feel new, I feel fresh I could dance I could sing I can shout out because its a new me. I feel beautiful, I feel special, things I havent felt for a while I'm feeling on my own. I dont need his compliments I discovered them on my own.

This is my new outlook. I am me. There is nothing I can do to become perfect, but I am going to try my hardest. I'm am going to be a better Christian and be a Bible Chrisitan. I've been living in this world. Everything the world wants you to see thats right but is wrong. I'm going to live by what is actually right. I feel great I feel like closing my eyes looking up at the sun and taking a deep breathe in.

Perfect day!

My aunt and uncle are visiting from San Antonio. Whenever they come up we go to a little town called Salado. Its just a cute little town full of Antique stores and craft places its just really cute . The whole town is basically one main street and normally they have something going on like the first weekend of every month is full of vendors, you really just never know what you are going to find. Before my ain't and uncle came up and we knew we were going to Salado me and my mom talked about Brian going. Yesterday we mentioned it to my dad and he just lost it which doesn't make sense at all. He gets jealous or worried or something but it's strange and I have never met another person like that. So it was difficult.

The other day Brian asks me why he never gets invited to stuff I do with my family because his family when they get together they just automatically expect me to go, I don't even need an invitation. I really think its because of the age difference but it's also because of my dad. I wish I could explain him better but I just can't put him into words. Anyways I stood my ground I mean my dad has to get use to him being around eventually . Let me tell you about my day:) we got up early this morning and went out o breakfast I originally didn't invite Brian because of how my dad was acting but my dad told me to invite him to breakfast. That was a plus. Breakfast was good my uncle is a very quirky person and he's the type that will embarrass people. Everyone got along really good .My uncle tried to embarrass Brian by making him pray but Brian just did it and he prayed very good. After breakfast we went to Salado. It was fun going through all the little store with him at one point we went to a place called B. Herd. It was this little old man that did oil paintings. They were gorgeous they looked like actual pictures. All of his paintings were from actual places in Texas. Brian bought three of them and they were all from the hill country. After we were all done shopping I thought Brian was just going to to go home but my dad actually invited him back to the house. I started a pot roast that morning so my dad invited him to come eat with us. I had a blast just hanging out with everyone. The food was delicious and the company was great. After we ate Brian offered to take me to work. I ended up seeing him all day. What a great day it was.
I started writing this post on Friday and I just finished, I've been very busy lately I'll tell you more about that later!

Busy busy busy!

I wish I wasnt such a procrastinator because school work and projects are catching up with me.I have my observations due for psychology next week. Basically I have to watch people and figure out stuff about them. Like hearing, vision, gross motor skills and other stuff but I cant use my opinion. So instead of saying the subject can hear good I have to say when the subjects name was called he responded automatically. I had a test today which I think I did great on a test to study for next week and an essay due .

What else has happened this week hmm. Yesterday I went to church and that's where I did my observations. The service was about prayer and how to pray. I can pray by myself at night like the words just flow out but when I had to go on stage for the prayer line I completely froze. A little girl came up to me and her request was to pray for her dad to start attending church. My prayer sounded horrible it was choppy I'm just not use to praying for people. Instead of beating myself up I just want to learn, I want God to help me be able to pray for people so I can be better in my church. Looking back now I wish I could try again.

On Tuesday I got my iPhone and I love it! I had to wait a whole week for it because sprint ran out but now that I have it, it was well worth it. My week has been full of studying not really anything to exciting I guess that's why it is so hard to write this Post right now :) I hope everyone is having a great week and Happy Veterans Day ahead of time!

What a Jerk

I'm kind of upset at the moment. I feel very depressed I don't know if I'm pmsing or what but I just feel so down in the dumps. Anyways so you know Brian has been gone and we haven't hung out in a while. Well today I thought we could have dinner you know something. I made an effort to see him. He invited me over to cook for me which was really nice but I know I have mentioned before that my parents have letting go issues. Not my mom but my dad does. So now that my boyfriend is living by himself I just didn't feel like getting into it with my dad just to go see him. Thats why I wanted to do dinner, but no to Brian that was just the end of the world. Talking about how I let my dad ruin my life and all this other stuff. Being really rude. You know what he just moved into that house he couldn't even give me a break to talk to my parents it had to be then and there. I still don't get the big idea of why I had to go over there so bad. I really believe he just didn't want to let go of the topic of my controlling dad. I will deal with that at my own time and he shouldn't be pressuring me the way he did.I finally just said if that was the only way I'm going to see you then I don't want to see you. He complained how much he missed me and all of that crap this whole weekend but the moment he had a chance to see me  he didn't even take it. He chose to be stubborn about the situation. I'm so mad I hate when he gets stuck on a subject there is no getting him out of it. I would like someone that would rather take the chance to see me then argue about it. He stresses me out I'm already in a down mood and now I'm just mad. Ever since he left I don't feel like talking to him or seeing him. I could care less. I think its this mood I'm in but I'm not being rude or mean to him, I just don't have anything to say to him. So me making the effort to see him today to make myself feel better about us took a lot and he just threw it out the window. Guys are so complicated sometimes. I could really just scream at him but for now I'm taking the distance I so definitely need until I'm out of this mood. Don't you think he should of chosen to see me instead of fight about me coming over?

Work.

In case you didn't know I work at a nursery at my church. I love it I love taking care of the infants and watching them grow. It keeps me from having one of my own right now. Today work was really easy because no babies showed up. I think its because this weekend was the women's retreat and they came back today so everyone probably was just at home spending time with the family. Me and the teenagers that help me were just sitting around waiting for the babies to show up. While we were waiting in the nursery Mrs.Ivette came in with a special needs boy. This little boy had half of down syndrome and then something else. He was such a blessing though he knew sign language so it was cool seeing how he communicated with Mrs. Ivette. The way his face lit up when he was going from toy to toy was priceless. He was such a cute little boy and it really opened up my heart to be in his presence.

The Law

Yesterday after a full day of shopping we went home. Then me and my mom decided we didn't have enough shopping so we decided to go back out for round two! So we are leaving the neighborhood and get on the highway. The speed limit is 70mph. First off you need to know my mom is one of those people that go 5 miles under the whole time and since she does this I'm always looking at the speedometer because she makes me mad. So I see her get to 70 then put it on cruse control and I was like okay she's doing good. Then we see a cop going to opposite way and I see my mom slow down and reset the cruse control onto 65. We pass a cop that was on the shoulder on the road we were in and of course my mom gets in the other lane out of courtesy. Well the cop gets behind us and turns on his lights and pulls us over. Which I was completely shocked. He comes up and of course " do you know why you got pulled over today", No we didn't and then he told us that we were going 82!! Like I said before I was actually watching the speedometer it never went above 70! I was so mad but of course me and my mom were in tears and when he leaves to go check her record she just starts praying and praying man she was praying a thousand miles per hour. Then he comes back and says whats wrong? my mom said you scare us.The cop was like you have never even gotten a citation, he then said " you two shouldn't be scared of the police we are the good guys, have a nice day". He didn't even give us a warning. That was a blessing . It makes me wonder though if he did give us a ticket that would of been so wrong. You cant fight stuff like that so I don't understand but Thank God it didn't work out that way.

My yummy pot roast!

I wish I took a picture even though that might be weird for someone to see my blog and all you see is a huge pot roast. Anyways it turned out really good. I'm excited I told Brian there might be hope for me being a good wife! I'm in my I really want to learn how to cook phase and for once everything I've made has turned out good. So far its been tortilla soup (yummmm) and this pot roast I also made arroz con leche the other day and it was great but that's cheating because I've made it before. One of Brains friends (he's actually from Mexico so he can cook good) said that if I'm not cooking by now that I'm never going to start. Maybe theres hope for me yet!

I miss Brian a lot I've been so busy with school that we really don't see each other during the week anymore so now that he's gone for the whole weekend it kind of sucks. At least he's safe and coming back tomorrow.

Today I went shopping. I love TJ max I'm not even going to lie. I always find some great stuff for great prices. I got a lot of shirts/sweaters for winter and some really cute heels. We went to eat at souper salads which was great finally something healthy. Then we took my mom to the bead store to get her fix. The bead store is in this little town that's basically one main street. It's so cute and the first weekend of every month they have an area where a bunch of vendors get together. I love that type of thing because you never know what you are going to find. I bought Brian a really nice picture that was in a homemade frame. It was country and would really fit his personality. I'm excited to give it so him. Today was really great just so relaxing. Now I'm all snuggled up watching movies.

Recently

Yesterday I got out of school around 11:50 am.  Then I went to go pick up Brian's mom :) I told you before that she was here to decorate his house so we planned to go to a lot of different places. I was starving so we agreed to go to Genghis grill. Which I was sooooo happy about that is my absolute favorite restaurant. The problem is I can never find anyone to go with me. My parents, boyfriend everyone is sick of going because I wore them out of it. You can really tell I like it huh? So I coned her into going with me and the thing is she is a super picky eater! Like when we all went out to a restaurant before  she ordered a salad and she got it with no salad dressing. She doesn't eat any type of dressing and a whole bunch of other stuff she is such a picky eater. That means Genghis was perfect though because you choose everything yourself. She ended up loving it. After that we started to go shopping she likes going to Goodwills to find old furniture to re do. I've seen some of her before and afters and shes really good.  So we found a goodwill and I couldn't help but laugh because it was me and her and then both of our GPS's trying to find this place. I kept thinking if Brian was in the back seat he would be laughing so hard because we did so many U turns. After we finally found the place we went to a whole bunch of other places there really isn't a lot of options where I live so we had to work with what we got. I really enjoyed spending time with her she is a great woman. She always bugs Brian about when we are going to get married because she wants grandchildren already. I dropped her off and then went home to get ready for church.

Before church we were all going to meet up at Chili's for dinner this was the first time our parents were going to meet and I was nervous. Everything ended up going great we had a nice dinner and talked about all sorts of things some topics I had no clue how we even got there. It was  a lot of fun. When we finished eating my parents went home then me Brian and his mom went to the church. Its been a long time since she has seen him play. (If you didn't know my boyfriend plays the keyboard, he is so blessed with it too. He's one of those people that he could just hear it and then he could play it perfectly.) We got to church right on time. I was shocked because  there wasn't a lot of people there. Maybe school had something going on or it was because of the weather. Shocking but we are actually suppose to be getting winter like weather finally. It was fun having his mom there though. I could tell she was really proud to see him there on stage. Yesterday was a great day I got to bound with my hopefully future mother in law and our parents finally met.

I got home and Brian called me. He was talking about doing Thanksgiving together because he's going to see his family the week before so he would be here and that he would even do black Friday with me! The thing is though we normally go down to San Antonio because that's where all my family is. We normally go to my aunts house and celebrate there around noon the for a early dinner we go to my dads parents house.  I ran downstairs and asked my mom if that would even be a possibility of Brian being able to go with us. She said she doesn't see a problem with that. That would be so cool! I have never had a boyfriend that met my whole family before. Like my cousins bring their boyfriends around because they live there but me never. That would mean Brian meeting everyone. I'm so excited I hope it works out that way.

Today my day went by so fast during lunch I went to the mall to look at otter boxes. I forgot to tell you I finally got my new Iphone ordered. I went two days ago and they were completely out of stock even the warehouse was. Yesterday they called and told me that I would be getting it in two to five business days so I'm excited. Lets see what else happened today I went to Heb because I'm going to make a delicious pot roast tomorrow. Hopefully it turns out great. I don't know how to cook but for some reason I have the sudden urge to learn , we will see how that goes. My boyfriends gone for the weekend because its open season for deer hunting yes I know horrible I'm not for it either but its a big family thing for him so I hope he has a great time. I just get a weekend all to myself.

All is well in paradise/ Halloweeeeeny

Two days ago, well you could  tell Brian had a lot on his mind too. We went to Church Sunday morning  but it was awkward we weren't fighting but you know I was having issues with him and I guess he was having issues with me. His mom came down to decorate his house and she got here early so she showed up at the Church. After second service I guess everyone was going out to eat I decided to go home because I already decided I was going to cook up some tortillas soup. It turned out delicious. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day until probably 6 o clock. He just went off I felt like he's been angry about things and just ready to let me have it. Well they were minor and over jealousy stuff which I was glad to talk through to him. Then I told him my issues and I got to the point I was feeling hurt and at this point I didn't know if we were still going to be together. We still are though, are and long story short it ended with him saying how much I meant to him and if he could he would marry me tomorrow. Since then we have been great he has been treating me like queen :) we are more affectionate to each other and everything just feels right. I guess sometimes you just have to say it how it is if you want to save your relationship. 
For Halloween I went over to his new place and his mom cooked us dinner. Before we ate we went to go find pumpkins to carve and candy for the trick or treaters. Who new that on Halloween every store would be sold out of pumpkins. We ended up getting the small ones. When we got back we ate the delicious pot roast with carrots and potatoes and then started to draw out what we were going to carve on our pumpkins. Brian drew a bat I drew a cat and his mom said hers was a surprise. Trying to carve little pumpkins was definitely hard work and we gave up probably 20 minutes in. His mom actually one with the pumpkin carving I loved hers here's a picture.

After we finished and started to clean up my lip got a swollen bump on one side and I got huge bumps on my legs... I'm allergic to pumpkins.  I had know idea. We had a great time I love spending time with him and his family and I'm glad we always fix any dilemmas we have in our relationship. It was a fun Halloween except for the hives and huge lip!

My minor issue.

I love my boyfriend don't misunderstand me. We've been dating a long time and I'm happy. This post is going to make me come off rude and stuck up but what I write is normally stuff I'll think but never say or act on. One thing I love about my relationship is that the honey mood always comes back. You know some relationships where of course its the honey moon stage in the beginning but then it just dies and then not to far after so does the relationship. Well the honeymoon stage for us has never died, if we ever get into a bad fight whenever we make up we are back to being completely in love with each other. That's not my issue. There is this book called The Five Love Languages. Its a great book for marriage, relationships everything. Its basically everyone has a love tank but how we get our love tank full is different for everyone. For instance the five love languages are how you receive love they are gifts, touch, act of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. Here's where I look bad haha my love language is words of affirmation. I'm a neeeeeeedy little thing when it comes to being told I love you or I'm beautiful. Its how I know he loves me. He can do all this stuff for me but it wont mean as much as him saying you look great today baby.Well I realized that we were raised in very different homes I come from a very affectionate family that we say I love you when we are about to get off the phone and  him and his family are the complete opposite so its kind of hard to get him to be affectionate with words. With my relationships in high school I felt special whoever I was dating always told my how beautiful I was and basically made it known how happy they were to be with me. My boyfriend now I actually fell like I'm not special at all that he could just be as happy with any other girl. I use to feel like I was something to brag about or be proud of now not even close. While I've beenin this relationship I have noticed that my self esteem has gone down a lot. I start to think well I guess I'm not as pretty because yeah I have gained a few pounds so maybe that's it, but really its just because I don't get any verbal feedback from him. I don't want you to think he's some horrible rude guy. He's great he does a lot for me and stuff but like I said he doesn't fulfill the way that I perceive love, and I have talked to him about it you know just remind me how you feel about me about us anything make it up do something but just nothing. I just want to feel like I'm worth something to him not just be expected to know what he thinks and feels all the time.

Today was my grandpa's 89th birthday! woohooo

We went down to San Antonio to visit my grandpa for his birthday. It was such a great day. There are not enough occasions in the year to get the whole family together so today was really nice. This man isn't even my blood grandpa, but out of all of my grandfathers he treats me the best. We have a really close relationship , he's such a great man. He served in World War II and thats a dying breed. Don't laugh at me but for his birthday I got him a card and cucumbers... haha it was more of a gag gift but he loved it. When we first moved back to Texas and my grandpa came up to our house he brought me a gift. He brought me cucumbers lol. We washed them and ate them right then and there. I was probably 7 at the time and I loved vegetables probably more than most kids at the time but I thought it was funny to do the same for him. I really enjoyed today I wish I could spend more time with him its just hard especially now with college. He's one of those people that your blessed to just have him in your life <3

Study Group

You know the problems with study groups. Having to make plans with a lot of people to hopefully meet at one place at the exact same time. I feel like I'm the coordinator because everyone gave me their numbers. So I texted everyone yesterday about meeting up today at thee at Hastings to study together. On Wednesday this was the best idea to them ever now no one has even texted me back... I'm kind of mad because I really need it but they do too I've seen their test scores. I'm actually considering dropping this class, because I just see no way of me passing. I have not passed one test yet and I don't want my GPA to go down because of one stupid HARD class.  I don't know what I'm going to do but I think I've come up with some good ideas to study just for my self. Quizzlet.com is basically online note cards, you fill them out. It helps you memorize things because it makes games out of things and stuff. It helped me out a lot in my phlebotomy class so maybe it will work for biology too. Wish me luck!

Thursday is over!

I love college just because my Thursdays are now my Fridays :) but other than that I kind of hate it. I feel like I wasn't prepared at all for it. I mean I thought college was suppose to be easy and its actually really kicking my butt. For instance Psychology Life span and development. It never fails that every time I think I did really good on a test I failed...and every time I think I failed I get like an A. It's stressing me out. I've actually considered dropping my biology classes just because everyone is failing. I think the problem is that nothing is made to be understood. Every simple thing is built up to be so complicated no one can even get their head wrapped around it. What else happened today hmmm okay I have an issue so I've mentioned before that my boyfriend has gotten his own house. Before he had roommates like 4 of them so me going over there was no problem for my parents.Well I'm nervous that now that he is going to have his own place I'm not going to be able to go to his house anymore. Which is weird because I am 18 years old technically I can do what ever I want. Should I be allowed to go to my boyfriends house? I'm so use to being on such a short leash with my parents that growing up is kind of hard. I guess I go back to thinking about if I had decided to leave the house and go to a college not near my home.They wouldn't be able to tell me my every move. I feel like that in this point of my life they need to just hope they raised me right so I make the right decisions and start letting go. I don't even have a curfew I just have to tell them everything I'm doing at all times and then come straight home. Is it just me or does it sound a little harsh?

Great news

My dad has had a cancer scare for going on 2 months now. It's put a lot of stress on our family. You know how men get when they are worried about something but dont want to show it. They just start acting different? Well thats what happened. It was sad watching my parents just worry. Well today we finally got the results of my dads biopsy and everything was negative! My dad does not have cancer! Thank God :) I was so happy to find out the news I know my dad did not sleep at all last night but I know all of us will be sleeping a lot easier from now on. Today I surprised him at work to take him to lunch. I'm so happy about how things turned out. I could not imagine what life would be like with out my dad.

Furniture shopping!

My boyfriend bought a new house. Today we went furniture shopping after I got out of class. We had a lot of fun. He found a great bed and a sofa with the love seat 2 end tables and a table/ ottoman for a great price. We got a lot done today. I love spending time with him and it was fun because every furniture store we went to they all thought we were married. So I got to play the part for a little bit. I can not wait til we actually live together. He actually wants me to move in already and start our life together but I still think I'm to young but I guess you never know what could happen, I am very tempted. I love that boy so much! After we finished shopping we went to go get some sushi. It was delicious. I had a very nice evening today <3

Amazing Weekend in Fort Worth

The last blog I talked about the trip going to Fort Worth on Friday. Now let me tell you how the whole weekend went :)
Friday evening me Brian and his mom went to meet up with his sister and her family. We were going to eat at a BBQ restaurant but they were all out of potatoes and that's all his sister was going to eat so instead we went to the Mexican Inn next door. The food was not good at all it was as American as Mexican food could possibly get and there were only 10 items to choose from. Other than that his sister was really nice and her husband and son. Kind of quirky but all together good people. After we finished eating Brian had purchased tickets to go to a comedy club for 10:00. It was called Four Day Weekend, and its basically just improv.

The show was really good it was funny but by the end of it I could of KILLED my boyfriend! Me and his mom made it very clear that we did not want to go on stage. He knew a trick that had to do with the lights. Basically don't sit where a spotlight was on the area. We sat down and we were enjoying ourselves, I saw a light pointed my way but I though he wouldn't do that to me. Well guess who was the first one to get called on stage. This GIRL. I was shaking and so nervous the scene was basically we were doing and episode of cops. I had to pretend like I was on a ride along and then we had to get out and run and all sorts of crazy things. It was funny because he asked who i was there with and I said my boyfriend. Then he asked what he did (for a living) and I was like "uhhhh......... something complicated" then the guy went on rambling how that's the second question you ask someone when trying to get to know someone. He was just making fun of me. So then he calls into the audience and asked my boyfriend what he did and my boyfriend told him his title. Then the guy looks at me and says " that is freaking complicated". Haha you have to remember it was in front of a large group of people. After I got off stage I really enjoyed the rest of the show it had me laughing the whole time.

                                         

                                         

On Saturday, We went to the Texas state fair! It was a lot of fun. 

It was huge there was just so much to do and look at. This is the fair that comes up with something new to fry every year. YUCK. This years was fried salsa. It looked very weird like a read ball that you dipped in cheese. That's just plain wrong but we did try fried watermelon!

That has to have been the nastiest thing I have ever eaten. Its mushy and you couldn't even taste the watermelon at all. Like I said this place was huge they had shows we saw a dog show and a bird show. The bird show was my favorite they had a lot of unique birds that I have never even heard of before. They called people from the audience to help it was just really cool to see. The state fair had its own huge carnival there and a whole bunch games. The vendors were cool too even though i expected a lot more. There was more food places than anything. Anything you could possibly think of they had fried, pickles, beer, peach cobbler, smores everything. I cant even imagine how they fried some of the stuff.

My favorite part was when we went on this huge skyline over the entire area.

You can see what the cart looked liked how how far up we were.

Another view about how big this place was. What your seeing doesn't even show the crowded area.
Some other cool thing we saw were:

This guy played up to 12 instruments at once he put on a very good show.

I found this interesting because this was completely made out of butter! The little boy had a whole cow behind him and they were about to walk through a gate. That's a lot of butter.

The Ferris wheel had to be my favorite part. I have never seen one this big before. It was huge. I wish we had a chance to go on but the line was about a three hour wait.

Then this guy was named Big Tex and he's wearing the biggest pair of Dickie's ever made.  

I had a great time at the fair. After we went back to his parents and his daddy made us some steaks. They were delicious and for desert his mom made a lemon ice box pie. That was the best pie I have ever tasted in my life. Maybe one day she Will give me her recipe.

Sunday we went to the church he grew up in and it was massive. During worship I felt like I was at a concert. I really enjoyed it and afterwards we went to this thing called Traders Village and its basically a giant flea market. We were there for a couple of hours and we probably didn't even get through 1/3 of it. Just to walk through everything was a good amount of miles. They sold everything you could possibly think of and all the prices you were suppose to bargain for. I bought 3 pineapples for 5 dollars, and you know those are expensive in the stores! I mean everything though I saw snakes and animals, portraits, furniture things for your car. Everything and all good prices. Then we left and started to head back home. Vacation time was over but we had such a great time!

Road trip!

I'm just so cranky! I was so excited for this weekend and I still am but this drive is taking forever. We really did leave at the worst time because we are hitting all of the major cities at rush hour. I feel bad because I don't even feel like talking most of the time our car rides are so much fun but honestly I could pass out right now! I think we have two more hours and then we will be at Brians parents house. Instead of me meeting his sister on sunday I'm going to meet her tonight. I wish I took more time on looking good this morning. I hate when people change plans on me but it is hard to keep a whole family on the same page. I think this drive would go better if there was stuff to look at but it's just road looooonnnnngggg road then traffic and more long road! On top of that my RLS (restless leg syndrome) is acting up. It makes sitting still torture.

1 More Day

I am so excited because tomorrow me and Brian are going down to Fort Worth to spend time with his family. Yup I feel some wings growing my parents are actually going to let me spend two nights with him. Well at his parents house if that even counts for anything, it does for me. We are going up there Friday then we are just going to hangout a bit. Then Saturday we are going to the Texas state fair. Which I'm really looking forward to because its suppose to be HUGE. I mean its an all day thing. I love stuff like that the carnival and the vendors and this is the place that comes up with something different to fry each year. I think this years fried food is fried butter.... that does not sound good at all. I feel like just talking about it my thighs have gotten a little bigger. His mom is really looking forward to going and I'm excited to see her again.

The first time I met his parents wasn't to long ago. I was really nervous but everything turned out great. So great that after we left the next day his dad called him and told Brian that I'm a keeper and not to mess this up and his mom emailed him basically the same exact thing :) I'm very happy that his parents like me and I really enjoy them too.

On Sunday I am going to Brian's home church to meet all of his friends that he grew up with then I'm going to have lunch with his family and his sister that I've never met before. I'm so excited to get this weekend started it is going to be great!

Daddy's little girl

My dad is a great dad. The best dad i could ever ask for. He's not my real father but he's always been there. My real father is nothing to brag about and I'm not coming from the perspective of a girl with daddy issuse I'm just telling it how it is. So basicall  have the worst dad someone could havethat if i probably lived with I'd be a pregnant droped out of highschool druggy and then i have a great dad that keeps me in my place wants the best out of life for me and is suuuuppppppeeeeerrrrr protective. To tell you the truth its never even bothered me before because thats how i was raised even now that I'm 18 i still dont have a curfew. My parents have to know who what when where and how and whenever thats done thats when i have to come home. There is no just going out because i want to everything has a time and a reason, but like i said I'm use to it and to somepeople thats just weird.  Like Brian. My dad says he doesnt have a problem with my boyfriend but he changes whenever he's around and it's put a big toll on our relationship. A couple weeks ago I invited Brian over fo bbq. Everything was going great. There is a place out where I live called Maxdell bridge. it's this old bridge that is suppose to be haunted. Well Brian never been and I wanted to take him. I told my parents and they didnt give me a time rame and I didnt give them a time frame. It was just going to be one of those spur of the moment types of thing. Well we werent even there for probably 30 minutes and we were on our way home. There is this really cool old cemetary out there thats why we took longer. As I'm getting close to my house I see my dads truck coming out of the drive way , he was going to hunt me down. He said he called me and noone answered. Which I would understand if He triedcalling me again and called Brian because he did ask for Brians number for situations like that and also HE HAS A TRACKER ON MY PHONE. When I got inside the house he goes nuts. Just scolding me infront of my boyfriend like I was 5 years old. The point of this story is whenever Brian comes around my dad has to show whos boss he changes. Its gotten to the point that Brian doesnt even want to come around not because he doesnt like my dad but because my dad changes how he treats me infront of Brian. It's hard me and my mom have talked about it and we think its because when he grew up he had his family with his mom and dad. It was him and 5 way older sisters. Well when his mom died his dad took him and got remarried and had 4 other brothers from his new stepmom. He just never fit in. Even seeing how his family is now there is just something missing. So we think he's so protective of the family he has because we are the only family he has and he doesnt want to lose us. Which i understand I love my dad to death but at some point he is going to have to let me grow up.

It's been a while.

I haven't posted anything a while because I've been so busy. School is getting hectic. College is not a joke it's a serious thing. Today I take my final for nursing and I'm nervous because I have to do good but I'm excited because it's one less class I have to worry about. I will be happy when three o clock comes and goes and I have my test score and I'm done. My classes have gotten a lot harder. Psychology I still enjoy engllish is pretty tough but biology. Biology can just possibly be the death of me.  Photosynthesis is probably the easiest topic in biology. My teacher was talking about it for a good 50 minutes and I didn't even know the man was talking about photosythesis. It's pretty bad when the smart kids in the class fails every test with a 60. What am I suppose to do? Lord give me strength . I just don't know what I am going to do. I think a good idea would be to make a study group I'm going to try to do that before the next test.  I've been busy lately but just with school. Nothing exciting that's worth sharing.

This weeeeekend.

I'm late I know but I've been busy. This weekend started out a disaster but ender good I guess. Before we even left to S.A i came downstairs with my bag all ready to go and my mom turns to look at my dad and says are you gonna let her wear that? Like rude if you ever met my mom you'd understand. I was like you know i'm in the room right? I mean its not like it was skin tight and my breast were hanging out it was a bigger flowy shirt and i had an undershirt on to cover the girls up. It gets better I go to my moms bathroom to use some perfume and she says " Whats wrong with your hair" again rudely mann that was just not my morning at all. We get on the road and we start regretting going like always and its the chihuahuas fault of course. Once we got to esthers things got better. I missed them so much! My uncle Keith is like my secound dad. We all went to sonic before we went to the fair because we had daisey with us. The fair I'm talking about is actually a churchs fall festival. This year compared to last year wasnt busy at all.It was just really fun to get everyone together. My cousin raymond ended up coming with his girlfriend and that was really cool I barely see them. I love how she goes everywhere with him I really wish me and Brian could be like that my dads so weird though its safer for him to keep space. Especially if i want a boyfriend still lol. I had a great time after all. It never got awkward the weather was perfect and we all had a lot of fun. Here's some pictures i took my mom made all the jewelry and my aunts the quilter.

My entireeee day :)

Today I woke up extra early 10:00. Yes it did feel good lol. I cleaned my room and the entire house. It was pretty sad that my room took about 3 hours and the rest of the house too like 20 minutes, and yes they turned out really clean. I hate cleaning but hey now I dont have to do hop scotch to get to the other side of my room. Plus I love the feeling of walking into a clean spotless room so in the end it was worth it. After that I decided since I was already hot and sweaty I might as well work out. So I did some zumba for a bit and I actually finished the entire segmant without completely feeling like dying afterwards. I know what your thinking lightweight but I am really out of shape. Not like super bad but ever since i changed my birthcontroll I look like im at least 3-4 months pregnant no lie. So i'm trying to get rid of it. Then I was suppose to start a project for my nursing class but there was a movie on the lifetime channel and it just sucked me in. I watched that for a good 2 hours and then worked on my project and I learned I really am not a good hispanic. The project is about heritage and all of that good stuff yeah noone would ever know im full mexican unless I told them. I finally got out of the house to go get dinner with my family. We went to five guys it was really good then to heb. Tomorrow we are going to San Antonio to sell jewelry and i'm not really looking forward to it. I love going to San Antonio just not with my parents, because that means my dog is going and I love her and all but she is not a good traveler. She cries the whole time and by the time we get anywhere we feel like killing eachother.Who knew this little chihiuahua could wreck a family. So wish me luck on that. I'm excited to see everyone i'm gonna see my aunt Esther and uncle Keith then my aunt and uncle Ray and Noehmi . Esther and Keith are awesome people just so down to earth Ray and Noehmi on the other hand are completely the opposite they are the type of people that if you piss them off they wont talk to you fo about a good 2 years. I hope it goes great though just because I havent seen any family for a long time. This should be nice. I'll let you know how it goes :)

My Evening.

One part of this I wrote before and the secound part I wrote after :)

So I'm excited for a nice date that Ive been looking forward to all day. He decided instead of nice dinner he's taking me to a two hour movie about BASEBALL. Should I shoot myself now or later? Ugh i guess I'm gonna have to make the best out of this. You better believe I'm gonna order some ten dollar noachos and an extra large drink. I'm so hungry.

You could tell i was venting huh lol

Well what realllllllly happened. He came to pick me up and we both talked about how starving we were. I think he could tell I didnt want to go see a movie and his heart wasnt set on it so we decided to just go get something to eat YAY :) Lucky me. We ended up going to Razoos and it was horrible. The only thing that I enjoyed was the fried pickles and hush puppies, but hey thats better then going to watch a baseball movie. Then we went to bed bath and beyond and I swear we were in that place forever its so massive. After that we went to kirklands but the further we walked through the store the poorer we felt. That store is so exspensive after that we went to target and found those amazing suckers that only come out on the market during halloween season! The ones that are covered in caramel and on the inside has green apple. They are so good . One thing that I love about our relationship is that we can being doing something completely boring or simple, and just be having a great time. There is just a never dull moment with us and i love it. You can tell my night went from eh to great!

Thursday September 29th

Today just started out great because I got to sleep in for once! Instead of my class starting at 10:30 it started at 11:30. Which was awesome. Instead of my normal pysychology life span and developmental class we started a project. This project is really weird so Im not going to explain it but basically today i had to go to a child development center and basically just observed the children. I really enjoyed it was fun to see how they interact with eachother. I had a paper I had to fill out while I was there and it really made me think outside the box on everything the children did. The little boy I was watching was so cute and man did he have an attitude but it was only after he tripped and got hurt. It was interesting when you have to break down everything the child does. Like problem solving do kids really problem solve? Well the boy i was watching when he went out to the play gound he just stopped and looked around and you could just tell what was going through his head.What am I going to play with first, and to a child thats a big problem. Maybe its just me but I didnt know children had that much drama in their lives :P

Reverence.

I attended church today like I do every week. Church has kind of changed for me lately instead of just being one of the kids in the crowd. Im the person making sure everyone is being respectful. I go to Grace Christian Center and one great thing that my church offers is we have a place for everyone. A nursery for the babies and classroom for every age until four years old. Then we have kids action studio thats where kids go until they are in sixth grade and start middle school. After that we have GCCrew thats where the kids go until the are adults then of course main service. Well Ive gone to this chuch since ive been in kids action studio. I served at gccrew in the music ministry. Now that I'm an adult Im an adult leader.Im really struggling with it too. I am a very strong devoute christian and it really gets to me when i see the kids textingor messing around when its worship time. It got so bad tonight that that the pastor stopped in the middle of praise of worship to explain to everyone what reverence was. Its all about respect. GCCrew is great for teenagers the building has a place to eat with good food, indoor basketball courts, a room full of video games and computers, and pool tables. Its a great place to hang out but thats the problem the teens go there to hang out not to go to church. That fact breaks my heart. When i see the kids messing around flirting, joking not taking anything serious at all at the altar. It actually makes me mad because I know they are missing out, but at the same time they are being a huge distractions to the people around them that are actually getting something out of the message or music. Today the sermon was about spiritual maturity. Basically going to church to grow to be like Christ not just go to see their friends. I enjoyed church tonight it just breaks my heart to know some of the teens go for all the wrong reasons. We have so much to be grateful for and all he wants in return is for us to lift up are hands and praise him.

Baby Fever!

I really want to have a child already. I want to experience being a mother. The whole pregnancy going to sleep hugging my tummy. I work at the nursery at my church and I babysit, but its still not enough. Im ready to be married and have a great career already. Im to young though. Im in my first year of college not even halfway through yet. I love my boyfriend and he's ready to get married , we already picked out my ring. I guess I'm acting like a little girl fantasizing about my huge dream wedding. Yes i really want to be a nurse but above that I really want to be a mother. I love my job working with the infants watching them learn and develope and even just when they like something and their little faces light up with a huge smile. I've always been very maternal.Now that i found the love of my life Im just ready :) Everything will happen at perfect timing. I can just look forward to my future and what ever God has planned out for me.

Tuesday, September 27th

Today was an over all good day. I started off  this morning  by going to my 10:30 psychology class. It started out pretty boring but once Mrs. Jones starts talking about stuff that people can argue about and dicuss the class gets a whole lot better. Right now we are learning about infancy and it is some pretty interesting things. One thing i found very verry interesting is critical windows. For instance (this is horrible) but if you take a baby kitten and blind fold it for the first three weeks of the kittens life. It will be blind for the rest of its life. Horrible huh but thats because the critical window for sight was never developed. The kittens eyes work and the brain but when the retina was suppose to develope and have relation to the brain it never did. You could do the same thing to a human baby thats why its so important for babies to learn language when they are young if not that area of their brain will never develope. I dont know i found all of that stuff a little interesting. After that class I went to have lunch with Brian. Which was very thoughful of him. We went toMcdonalds and it was packed! you could tell the highschool down the street was on its lunch break. We had a nice lunch i learned i wont being seeing him at all this weekend which kind of hurt my feelings. I told  him I was gong to San Antonio with my family to sell some jewelry but i didnt say I was going to spend the night. I think hes just using me being gone as an excuse to go hunting. Oh well looks like P will be spending the whole weekend down there. After lunch I went to english class which I always enjoy then home. Instead of just watching lifetime and taking a nap like I always do when i get home, I decided to work out. I got my sports bra out and my workout shorts and even one of those things you wrap around your stomache to re shape it. You can say i went all out. Then I did some Zumba, I dont know if im just that out of shape but man that was a great 20 minute workout. The rest of my night was just pretty much full of relaxing.

Last weekend

I just feel like writing now and i cant sleep so let me tell you about this weekend i just finished up. On friday i got up early and worked on homework and all of that good stuff.Then Brian texted me to get some sushi but he was waiting for his gun safe to show up. I love having a boyfriend thats always packing i just feel so safe. So i had some time to kill. I went to the christian bookstore because i wanted to pick up some stuff for my mama.Then i went back to Jaded Dragon the place were i got my tragus done to ask what size my piercing was. I go there and man i dont fit in at all. My piercer wasnt there and the guy i talked to had piercings everywher eand i couldnt see one inch of bare skin.He turned out to be really nice though. That morning i had popped a keloid that was forming around the hole and like a dumby i put peroxide on in. The guy was like "stick out your hand" i did and he slapped it and said bad lol i was like okkkk but he gave me some really good tips that maybe the stuff ive been using to clean it could be the actual problem. Then i went to the mall to look at new labrets to put in my tragus because its almost completely healed. Man They arent cheap at all. After that i went to Chopsticks i freakin love that place so much im like addicted to sushi now. i realize i want it all of the time. Lets see Saturday i did nothing but schoolwork till about 3:00 then me and Brian went to the Georgetown Park to feed ducks. It was a lot of fun but ducks kinda scare me. I still really enjoyed myself we took a long walk in the park and raced back to the truck. Sunday i did nothing but church then voluteered at the church and then i got to go to outback and yes it was delicious <3 It was my first time going there and i really enjoyed it. That was pretty much my whole weekened nothing to exciting but it was just simple how i like it :)

New to this!

So I am going to be a blogger ! I just decided this about 5 minutes ago :)
I dont know what i'll be writing about but hey i dont really care.  Ive always wanted to do something like this but now i get to use my english teacher as a good excuse.  I really wish i could see other peoples profiles without having their url i think that would be so much fun reading about other peoples lives. I guess i got this whole idea off of an episode of House lol the patient was an intense blogger and had friends all over the world just because she was a serious blogger. Maybe eventually that will be me but for starters. Let me tell you about my day it SUCKED. Well not really but there was nothing exciting about it. I found out i completely bombed my biology test for the lab i got a 64 and lecture i got a 59... ughh i dont know what to do but i know whatever im doing now just plain isnt working. So i did my classes this morning which feels like they lasted the whole day probably because its so damn cold in the classes. I got home had some goood ol steak then slept. Not your average nap either i passed out in full out lala land . The phone rang i looked up then for a slight second closed my eyes again then bam there goes another two hours of great sleeeep. I woke up helped my mom with making some jewelry then my dad came home. We went to get some oriental cafe and it was so good.  Watched some sherlock holmes then finished some homework i had been working on. One thing that was great today was it rained im not sure for how long but man any bit was great. This drought we have been in has been horrible. It reall wasnt perfect timing though i was trying to finish my english paper and the electricity kept going out. Oh well Worrrrth It :) That was my day now im just in bed watching lottery ticket its hillarious!